mr right

So the guy that claimed to be my mister right...
well his in love and not with me.. lol you know.
but guess what im okay.. i think i got my friends
and i got my guys, and i got my music. so he and
his chicks can do what they want cause we all know
he is playin her too. i just hope for her sake he doesnt
ask her to marry him because he asked me too and
we all know how that turns out. so to her i say good luck.
And to him may the guilt eat away at him while he is on his
mission for the lds church and best wishes to him companion.
may they all lead great and full lives and may they all find
happyness in some way or another.
"best of wishes"

wows up wows

so not only did dad by a new bike with my saving account money
but thanks to dang UDOT now he has to update and fix both
the truck and the drill rig again with the savings account
so basically im screwed that money was supposed to be
for all the stuff i would need for college like an external hard
drive, books, tution, supplies, etc and now i will be lucky to be
able to pay the tution and thats a big tution... GRRRRRRR
it stress me out grrr i think i need a drink a cobble wobble
lol wow... i need a vaccation from a break lol
i miss my friends!*!*!*!*!*!*! i miss them all

Grumble

So my dad freaked at me last night because of my sleeping habits, well dand its summer what do you expect.

when i woke up
the sun was shinning,
when i got up
the heat was rising,
when i stood up
the house was empty
I was free for a moment
i looked outside and had a flashback
to that time in cali on the beach
with the hottest guy in the world
he's in town, oh yes he is
he came to see me
all the way from cali
because i called him cryin
he got here late last night,
he came stright to my house
we went for a drive..
being with him makes my heart sing
he held me close and said
"krissy your my angel you know that
i dont ever wanna hear you cryin it broke
my heart and tore me up. im here for you
no matter what. it will be ok just because
they are your blood family doesn't give them
the right to tear you down. you can chose
your family. you can choose your future
your dreams dont become a zombie for your
family or the jerk. be that bright goofy happy
gurl i feel in love with so many years ago and
if you ever need it you can come home to me
my door is always open to you, no notice needed
i love you angel."
it was the best thing in the world to hear. i need
that thanks for coming Jared. thank you and i
love you too gaurdian.......

im there now

I've been avoiding writing this, cause the second i put it on paper, Its gonna be real, its gonna be a reality....
Have you ever felt so empty inside, so cold that even in 90 degree weather your still wrapped in his Hoddie, and blankets and still shivering?
Have you ever been surrounded by pure darkness, so dark you can't see anything, even though its the brightest day, and the sun is high in the clear blue sky?
Have you ever been in so much pain you have to fight passing out, and when ya look there isn't any physical mark, cuts, or bruises on you?
Have you ever cried so much, and so hard you couldn't breathe?
Have you ever cried so long that you ran out of tears, but no one saw a single tear?
Have you ever felt alone, so alone, like no one was there, even though you were surrounded by people?
Have you ever been invisible, like no one can see you even though your doing great things, like you have to screw up, or do something bad to be seen?
Have you ever wanted so much to just give up to just end it, to just walk away?
Has anyone ever told you, you can do it, cause your strong, and your tough just cause they haven't seen you cry, but you know your not?

I HAVE, IM THERE NOW!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Dang you

Every move I make, Every breath I take
I breath I take it in I suffer I try to hide
I run away I disappear I become invisible
You treat me like I don't exist so much for
The one that fills your void.
You used and abused me so to speak.
I was simply a notch in your sex obsession
I gave you everything, and you killed me
I'm like a walking Zombie
Going about doing what I do without a clue
I go about my life like a blind person
Like a person with nothing left
And not enough courage to end it
I used to think like this but
I changed my mind
I can't let myself give up
Not because of you
Your not worth it, you don't deserve it
I told you that the KRYS you knew was gone
Well I was right, now the BITCH is back,
Im not the krys I let you change me to be
Im the krys that doesn't believe in love
That thinks that men are only good as friends
Nothing more
Im the krys that thinks that Religion is BS
Im the krys who is tired of being treated like
An outsider just cause I don't belong to your church
IM DONE WITH YOU> BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THE BITCHY KRYS IS BACK
You should thank god for my music
Or I'd take it out on you!!!!!!!!!