Okay so i know its been awhile, but i've been putting off updating everyone else because then it becomes a reality ya know? anyway but today was the last straw... i mean really i lost it. First: i have been living alone since august right in my dads house cause he basically lives with his lastest girlfriend and he completely ignores me unless he needs something. Well he decided a week ago that we would be having Thanksgiving and Christmas here at my house even thou i didnt want them here. because for the past wat 8 years i've been tryin to get him to do that, and stay sober for both holidays. but he always told me not only no but he*l no. and then bam is gf asks him to and its all ok. and i figured that what the heck i wont be here anyways.... see usually i have a bout 4 family things to go to both days:
the Madsens: my family that doesnt have to be: but this year i wasnt invited, and my step dad when i mentioned it said that its cause he was goin to vernal to see my step mom side of the family and when i mention i might go he said "OH they invited you? i didnt think they did?" and then suggested i just chill with my family this holiday!
then there is my step dad, step mom, and siblings but they are goin to vernal, and just like with papa's funeral they didnt invite me infact they said it wouldnt be the best time.
My grandmas: which is still on but its really early and will no doubt end in fighting and yelling
Bikers: but this year dad says i cant go
so now there is my dads: but he is making me do all the cooking and planning, and shopping.
i cant believe him ... grrr and today we made the chex mix and he treated me like come kinda maid and short order cook. and we started cleaning the house and i noticed that everything that belonged to me, or was choosen by me was Thrown literallly into my bedroom which isn't very big at all. i mean everytihng including frmed pics that had been on the walls, when i asked why he said "your to young you wouldnt understand just do what i tell you too, and when we are done we will discuss what you are to do why everyone is here" like my god what am i deformed or something, am i the evil twin or what? i dont get it what is wrong with me and why doesnt he want me around. .....
I HATE MY FAMILY AND MY DAD..... CORRECTION I DONT HAVE A FAMILY!!!!! I THINK I WOULD RATHER BE AN ORPHAN. WHICH I MIGHT AS WELL BE. I MEAN SERIOUSLY.
somedays i think my MOM was right.........
1 comment:
you need to go talk to one of the on campus councilors.... and I'm sorry your life suck!!! i would totally help you, but i have no idea how to.. (wow.. that sucks for me now don't it??)
hun, go talk to one of them. I know it sounds ridiculous.. but it would help! plus they can help make it so that you can get financial aid, and so much more!!! so that you CAN move out! (see where i am getting with this..? you vent on a stranger... they become your best friend...they get you out of house and away from family.. and you have better life...)
good luck girl! totally keep hanging in there! and i am totally here to vent any time you need me!!!
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