Somedays i wonder why? but i've never seen anything as insane as wensday night. for those of you who dont know my dad lost and i mean literally he dang near killed him self twice on the damn bike of his. i love the fact that he has the bike and that he gets to do something he used to do before he was burdened with me. but he promised he would never drink and drive the damn bike.. and last night im sure there was something besides the alcohol. I've already lost one parent to suicide i cant loose another.. i cant im not set like he kept sayin last night im not im really not i may not always act like but i do need my dad and i try and tell him that but he dont listen. and last nite craig told me that my dad was stress over money and how much i need. well i can see that but ya know i feel like unless im up in his face yelling at him or askin for money, im not there ya know he ignores me.. so last night he gave me his debit card and pin well this morning i went to the bank and withdrew some money not too much ya know just enough that he will notice im hoping that he realizes that im here and that last night had an impact and that just cause he is sobber now, that it isnt okay that its just gonna go away he made a lot of ripples in the lake and caused alot of issues but idk he isnt even home he is at her house again and ok that is okay. i hope that he is okay and that he figures it all out... and i hope that i can work my best to not be such a burden and such a stressor to him ...
To make it worse i have to deal with my family and they dont know what happened with dad or anything. so i dont wanna tell them cause it would make it so much worse and just make the already tuff time harder.. ya know but okay here is what happened i went to my gma house to help her cause she demenaded my dad do it but he was still freakin out so i went and i got there and she say and i quote " what the hell are you doing here? you get the scarlet letter of your the hell out my house" i mean WOW first i didnt know my gma could read lil alone that book and second what scarlet letter im going good im life i guess not but i am tryin so i looked here right in the face and stepped closer and said " listen here grandma you aint the big bad wolf you cant blow my house down or eat me. all you can do is huff and puff" she said" your wasting your dads money with college your gonna flunk out or quiet" my uncle said " she is right krystle just accept it your a loser" and well i lost i mean i really lost it " okay you Bit**es, listen here first off its my money from my mom second it will not flunk out and third i am not a loser like you guys i refuse to be just anoher stupid stat or horror story for you to tell you friends. so if you guys wanna step up then step the hell up cause when it comes to our family vs. me my dad tends to stick close to ME and you all assholes are gonna loose, Carl (thats my uncle) you work for my dad not the other way around so stop moping around and acting like your boss cause your not youare expendable and if you dont know what the means look it up. and grandma you need to just pull your head out of you ass and deal with the fact that your fave grand daughter are whores, one has a kid, does drugs and drinks all the time.. and the other well she is with a guy much older then her and sleeping iwht him all the time they all have sleep overs and everything oh and just so you know she is off birth controll. she spend the money for the BC shot on BS and "sexi" underwear.. so back the freak off and next time you call me or dad i suggest you change your attitude or you will really learn the word bitch"my gma said"you bitch you think your just to good for us" and as i was walkin out the door i couldnt resist it so i said " no gma im a bitch im THEE bitch, and if you wanna have a bitch fest you can bet your ass i will out bitch you after all i learned the best, and the rest well their just weak peace" and i walked out that was yesturday afternoon and i aint talk to any of them yet and i dont plan too...... I felt so bad talkin to my grandma like that but my gosh she just hates me and she does nothin but try and tear me down and after all the drama with my dad my 'fuse"was gone i mean it i was just waiting to explode i just couldnt hold it in anylonger i mean she has been like this for yrs but never this bad. but i dont knwo what to do now.... oh and dad toke off for the weekend.
