grrr god help me please i dont know what to do.

So wow okay green monster totally green scary green. someone very closse to me got engaged today and well anyone who knows my story knows why that hurts so much i mean dont get me wrong i love them to death and beyond happy for them but i was engaged just a lil while ago and then he broke it off cause i wasnt good enough and cause of his parents. and that just killed me because i had tried so so so so hard to please them and be okay with them and to be accepted and all them time and now i know i say im over him cause he is with someone else and being a duch. and not talkin to me unless he needs something and so everynight when no one is around and no one is going to be mad at me for still loving him i cry myself to sleep, or i just flat out cry. all my friends say he dont deserve me, he isnt good enough for me, and they are right he doesnt deserve me, but I DESERVE HIM. but i cant have him so again tonight i will paint my room and while painting i will cry to my self jamming out to music that makes me happy. and i will numb myself to the world since im not good enough to be here. anyway someday i jsut wish GOD would kill me. i really do. .. i dont even think he would notice if i died, i dont think he would cry, be sad, or even miss me at all. im a lonely soul wishing for death.